


I Still Care For You

by AmericanGuilt



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Past Relationship(s), Reunions, Vulnerability, emotions are difficult to deal with for these two, or at least until i apply the bitter angst, then it gets sad again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-28 20:43:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21142913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmericanGuilt/pseuds/AmericanGuilt
Summary: Nearly a year had passed since you left Jason, but when you come across him in downtown Gotham, can the two of you find common ground?If only life could be that simple.





	I Still Care For You

Seeing him again after all this time had conjured up more emotions than you cared to admit.

You were still upset with him, and while the intensity of your anger might have fizzled away with time, that particular emotion still lingered with you even after nearly a year of being apart. But it made sense, considering you and Jason had not parted on the best of terms – it had been the fight to end all fights – so to say you were still frustrated was an understatement. Yet, out of the bag of mixed emotions, you reveled in your resentment, basking in it because at least you could understand _why_ you were angry.

It was the other emotions that scared the hell out of you and made you question each of your past decisions. Rage was easy to understand, but joy, fondness, and (dare you say it) _adoration_? Those emotions were a little harder for you to decode. Then again, you had never really been in tune with your emotions, had you?

Sure, you would admit, it was nice to see him in one piece. Jason lived a dangerous lifestyle – something you were all too aware of – so seeing him before you in good health put that lingering curiosity to bed. And yes, you supposed the happiness you were experiencing also made sense; you were happy he was _alive_, but deep down you knew there was more to it than that. Just like there was more to the deep aching in your bones and the heaviness of your heart, or in the way your hand seemed to reach for his own involuntarily as if it were a mere reflex. It was rather pathetic really, how much your body longed for his presence, for his touch, but it didn’t take much for you to ignore those needs and focus on the task at hand – getting home.

Running into Jason had been a coincidence. He had been walking one way, and you the other. It was an unplanned happening, but that hadn’t prevented either of you from stopping dead in your tracks to interact once you had met gazes. It had been awkward at first, speaking when neither of you knew what to say but still having the desire to converse anyway.

“Hey,” He began simply.

“Hi,” You replied, uncertain of what to do upon being dropped into a pool of your own feelings, ones that you thought had been buried away.

It was a coincidence meeting Jason in downtown Gotham, so why did a part of you wish that it was more than that? Why did you secretly wish that he had been looking for you? This was another thing you didn’t quite understand.

Eventually though, the ice broke and conversation flowed; it was rather miraculous how easy it was to talk to him like nothing had happened and you were still some lovesick girl who didn’t mind being Red Hood’s lover, who didn’t mind loving a man who didn’t love himself. And before you knew it, you found yourself appreciating the little things about him like the tone of his voice or the way his eyes gleamed whenever he smiled. They were trivial traits, ones that probably wouldn’t matter much to others, but you had loved them once, so they still mattered to _you_. Even as you walked down the crowded Gotham sidewalks together towards your apartment with nothing but a dreary cloud-covered sky to light the city, you still found a way to appreciate the lovely color of his eyes and his gentle smile. 

But even with these feelings of fondness, resentment and sorrow lingered. Months had passed, but Jason had hurt you and that was not easy to forget. You had left him with tears streaming down your face for a reason, and no amount of casual conversation would fix that.

Jason, however, always had a habit of surprising you. So, when you finally reached the stairway leading to your apartment building, you hadn’t expected him to be so forward.

“I’m sorry.” He said, taking you completely off guard while you had been digging around in your bag for the apartment keys.

The genuineness of his apology instantly took your attention away from the bag in your hands. “What?” You asked rather stupidly; he had made no moves to discuss your past relationship the entire walk home and it had stunned you, but it was the rawness of his voice that made you freeze. Even after dating him for years (and knowing him even longer), you had never heard him sound so vulnerable. Sure, he would be open with you and he had even told you about his painful past, but Jason was a paranoid man; he was slow to trust and even slower to bare his soul. It was something you always knew, having met him as Red Hood, but you thought that you could wear him down with time. Yet, there had been a constant and persistent feeling that Jason wasn’t entirely open with you even after years of being with him. It was like he was always guarded and unwilling to knock down those walls. But seeing him now, being so open, it was almost as if those walls had never existed.

“I’m sorry,” He repeated, eyes skittering away from your gaze to look elsewhere while he spoke. “About our fight, I mean.” He said. “And I know it’s _way_ too late to apologize and I’m honestly amazed your even dealing with my shit at all, but I am sorry. What I said to you that night…it was horrible, and I never should have said those things. I didn’t mean any of it, it was just shit I said in the heat of the moment because I knew it would hurt you.” Jason confessed, rubbing the back of his neck before meeting you stare. “Honestly, back then I wanted to push you away because I _knew_ you deserved so much better, and instead of trying to work the problem out then, I just made it worse by taking all of my insecurities out on you.”

Memories of that night made their way back into your mind, and you reminisced about how his anger had seemingly come out of nowhere. You had thought at the time that _you_ were the problem and that was why he had been so upset. You thought he realized you weren’t worth his time, but the thought of him believing that he wasn’t meant for you? The idea seemed ridiculous. You weren’t sure what to make of it, so you let him continue.

“I know it’s a piss-poor excuse and I don’t expect you to forgive me for how I treated you that night, but I just needed you to know.” He spoke candidly, muttering another apology under his breath.

You stood before him, still stunned, but you felt your heart flutter at his words. And suddenly, as if a switch had been turned, the grudge and the anger you had possessed towards Jason had all but dissipated. He had _finally_ apologized, and for the first time in months, you had some sort of closure. There were no more questions lingering in the back of your mind because the once confusing puzzle now fit together.

After you had the chance to process his words and ground your emotions, you broke the silence. “I’m sorry too.” You began. “You’re not the only one who said a lot of terrible things they didn’t mean.”

Jason was quick to respond. “You don’t have –”

“No, I do have to apologize.” You interrupted, watching as his mouth shut to listen to your words. “I need for you to know that I wasn’t entirely innocent either, Jay. Because I sure as hell said some things to hurt you too.” You said, and it was true that you weren’t entirely blameless. Yes, Jason had been the one to start the fight, but you had made sure to be the one that ended it. “I won’t lie though; this doesn’t fix everything between us. I think we both saw a side of each other that wasn’t pleasant, and I think that kind of scared us both. Or at least, I know it did me.” Jason nodded, seemingly to both acknowledge and agree with you. “But it’s a start.”

“Yeah,” Jason concurred, putting his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “It’s a start.”

A soft smile tugged at your lips as you found yourself appreciating his openness. “And I want you to know that I forgive you, idiot.” You added.

At the sound of your words, Jason flashed his own small grin. He took a step closer to you as you fished for your keys once more while the wind ruffled his long ebony locks – it must have been a while since he cut it, but you liked how it looked. “I’m not asking for things to go back to the way they were, but is it okay to ask for us to at least be friends?” He suggested, keeping a close eye on you to observe your reaction. It was a habit that showed whenever he was weary of your answer, or when he expected the worse possible outcome, but when he saw the softness of your expression, the tenseness in Jason’s shoulders seemed to gradually fade away.

You couldn’t help but feel a fondness for him. He _did_ still care for you, and while you were aware that you two still had plenty of healing to do, that was all that seemed to matter – Jason cared. After all this time, you believed he thought your relationship was disposable and not worth saving. He hadn’t spoken to you in months, making you feel like your time together had never meant anything to begin with. But now, you see him in all his glory, stripped down and exposed to you in a sense that made you realize just how wrong you had been. He too had been hurting after losing you.

“Yes, I’d like that.” You replied with a small smile still etched into your features.

Jason breathed an audible sigh of relief. “Great,” He said as you pulled your keys from your bag. “Ugh, shit I didn’t think I’d get this far.” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck before his gaze moved to avoid your own. “Thought for sure you’d clock me. Not like I don’t deserve it.”

You snorted, toying with the keys in your hand. “Oh believe me, I thought about it.”

He huffed a laugh; it was a soft, airy chuckle that made you realize just how much you enjoyed the sound of it. “Yeah, I don’t doubt it.” He shrugged before glancing towards your tall apartment building. It hadn’t changed much since he had last seen you – not like the lovely landlord had any money to upgrade its retro seventies exterior – but Jason didn’t seem to mind, taking in the lengthy structure as if he were seeing it for the first time. You couldn’t help but wonder if he was reminiscing about the numerous times he climbed through your window on the tenth floor, or maybe he was merely staring at the familiar narrow crack on the wall that was only a few feet from the fire escape. It was difficult to tell.

“It’s getting late,” Jason mumbled to himself before casting a glance your way. “You should probably head inside. It’s going to be a stormy night.” He said simply, but his words carried a much deeper meaning, reminding you that Jason Todd led more than one life, and it seemed tonight was going to be a busy night for Red Hood.

“Alright, I’ll stay inside for the night.” You nodded your head, taking Jason’s subtle warning to heart. If you could avoid the danger on the streets while Jason did what he does best, you would. The last thing you needed was to get caught up in chaos when the dust in your life had finally settled.

Jason made a sound of satisfaction, watching as you walked up the stairs to your apartment building. “Maybe we could go out sometime.” He suggested as soon as you reached the entrance door. “We could go out for dinner, or maybe drive out of the city to look at the stars. You used to like doing that, right? We could do that again, or we could do dinner and stargazing. Do the whole shebang in one night.” He began to ramble a bit when you turned back to face him.

You felt a pang of worry in the pit of your stomach at his words, and based on the recognition on Jason’s face, he noticed and saw right through you. “Or just dinner. Fuck stargazing, we can stuff our faces somewhere.” He recommended, making small gestures with his hands as he moved to lean against the railing of the stairway. He was doing his best to seem composed, but it was rather obvious he was fearing your rejection.

You shook your head, trying to soften the blow you were about to give. “No, it’s not that.” You mumbled, feeling guilt beginning to crawl its way through your body. It’s not that you didn’t want to do all those things with Jason, you _did_, but things had changed since you had last spoken.

“Then what’s wrong, doll?” He asked, making you sigh.

You looked down at the keys in your hand, fiddling with the metal between your fingers. _Don’t call me that,_ you thought, _please don’t call me that_. “Well,” You began. “It’s just that…I’m kind of seeing someone right now.” You admitted rather bluntly, unintentionally so, but you just weren’t quite sure how to say what you wanted to more eloquently.

But as you watched all the emotion slowly dissipate from his face, you wished you would have taken the time to think before speaking. It was as if the door Jason had opened to you had just been slammed shut in your face as he quickly crawled back behind his walls for refuge. All the vulnerability that had been present mere minutes before was nonexistent now, and he seemed all too eager to make it seem as if he had never been unguarded to begin with. The olive branch he had extended to you seemed to rot right before your eyes as he crossed his arms and nodded. “When you say ‘seeing’, you mean dating, right?” He said, speaking in a way that made him seem like he had put on that damn red helmet like you were speaking to Red Hood, not Jason himself.

His cold, distant tone made you realize that you two were never going to be just friends. Jason hadn’t walked you home expecting to leave with the knowledge that you were content with being ‘just friends’ because he still wanted more. He still wanted _you_ even after all this time, but he had waited too long. Unlike him, you had taken time to heal from your broken heart, you had found someone to help lift you back onto your feet and see the beauty in the world once more. Jason on the other hand had only himself and his sadness. But instead of trying to redeem what the two of you had, he let it go. Or at least, until now it seemed.

“Yeah,” You eventually replied, biting your bottom lip as you watched his figure from the bottom of the steps. “We’ve been dating for a few months.”

Jason nodded again. His crossed arms only made him physically appear more closed off to you. “I see.” He curtly responded, sounding even more like his vigilante persona with each passing second.

You sighed softly, feeling as if you hadn’t achieved anything at all with Jason. You had been put back at square one and your emotions had morphed back into the exact state they had been when you first saw him from across the sidewalk, only now, you felt guilty on top of it all. “We can still hang out,” You tried, knowing it wouldn’t do much good. “But maybe we could just grab a coffee instead.”

“Sounds good.” Jason spoke confidently, making it seem as if he wasn’t fazed by your words at all, but you knew better. If you had been thrown back into the pit of your own chaotic emotions, there was no telling how Jason was feeling right now, but he most certainly was not fine.

You wanted to sympathize with Jason because you did still care, you still loved him in your own way, but he hadn’t been there for you when your heart had been aching. So perhaps, you should be angry with him?

_Fucking hell, why did he make you so confused?_

Jason, seemingly oblivious your emotional turmoil offered you a few words of goodbye before he turned to leave. And for a few moments, you dumbly watched him walk away, observing the tenseness in his shoulders and how his pace seemed quicker than normal. But when you finally managed to get a grip, you called out for him.

“Jason,” You hollered, only to be surprised at how swiftly he had come to a stop at the sound of your voice.

He turned back towards you, taking a few steps towards you but he still kept a safe distance between the two of you. “Yeah?” He asked, his tone audibly unsteady as if he were weary of what you had to say.

“Be careful.” You replied, speaking in such a way that made it seem more than a command. In just two words, you were able to convey more than you had been able to in the past half hour with him.

_I still care for you._

There was a flash of emotion behind Jason’s eyes, one you didn’t recognize, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. “Always am.” He said before he turned away from you and disappeared back into the streets of Gotham, leaving you with nothing but hope that he would listen to your words.

**Author's Note:**

> Truthfully, I have no idea what this is. One minute, I want a nice reunion with closure and forgiveness, and the next, I want pain and chaos. So, why not both? 
> 
> Also, this was another product of me being bored and wanting to write so I hope it's not utter shit and you might have at least semi-enjoyed it.


End file.
